What always speaks the truth, but doesn't say a word?
→ ɹoɹɹıɯ

don't go NEAR me.

don't go NEAR me.
chuucami-devartist.

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BE HAPPY!

BE HAPPY!
chuucami.DA.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

COLD CHRISTMAS


Christmas... Oh.. It is a normal holiday for me. Glam Xmas tree, excitement of everyone, exchange of presence, picture - picture ,togetherness... and whatever they do, casually do when Christmas is here. It's an ordinary day for me, I began to feel that way when I started to live away from my family. I don't feel sad when I celebrate it to anybody else because I don't feel it anyway. But when I used to have you I started to feel the solitude whenever holiday is coming to town.



Needless to say, My Christmas will be COLD.
Snow never drops here,
yet I felt frozen inside
the fact I know I will spend it alone.

I only have silver oldies, treasure and pleasure, dear to my heart remembrance here that are safely sealed in my memory. Well, I guess that's the only option that makes me be with you.. again.
I wish for your happiness from a distance...

Merry Christmas Bloo.


Silentia screma

current status: lost, lackadaisical, undead corpse inside , almost insane

Hey pal! Have you ever had experienced extreme hurt that you wanna scream yet there's no room to yell it out?

I need a place...
A place where I can loose all shit feelings I feel right now.

After I read your message on the screen, tears never hesitate to fell on my messy cheeks. It's good my seatmate wasn't bothered or maybe she just let me since we're stranger to each other.

Truth is really cruel, wasn't it? It doesn't give me warning. It just hit me in second like a bullet right through my soul. Now my soul is in bad state. Every functions of my brain dispersed for a moment. My heart is currently in the operating room. It can't bear the depression. I hate it. I hate being hurt. But this one is too big that I lost my 90% or over of my sanity and reasonableness. I tried to keep my senses . I tried to make things rational but it's like a malfunction robot that mixed up it's program and began to rampage. It tormented my heart and mind. Come hell or high tide, tears just fell unhesitatedly. It just keep falling and I sobbed silently because I don't want anyone around notices it.

Why it's always like this?
Why I allowed this crap take over my bright life?
L-O-V-3 Is really unbearable! ***


After learning the damn truth, I feel like I need not a few but many shots! I want to go back where I used to drink so my memory with my feelings bit by bit EVANESCED. But I know it won't be so effective and it will affect some of my current urgencies.

Since I dunno where to go, I let my slippers settle my destination. I walk like dead on the highway, while thinking what I'm gonna do now. I was wondering if it's now a normal phenomenon for someone who have feel depression, breakdown, bitterness, suffering from love and uhh whatever emotion that is unbearable to walk alone in the street like a lost soul. Then, I glanced my phone and I saw our characters' snapshot smiling together... it doesn't cheer me up. Instead I feel a menthol, bitter-mint within that it burst another batch of tears. My heart was buckled tightly that causes my breath slacking from it's normal beat.I quickly divert my thinking onto something that would stop the provoking emotion. But my mind is currently malfunctioned, what should I do? I think of some persons yet I know it's a burden to hug her and cry it all out to her shoulder. Till I arrived at my rented room. I shut myself to bed and continue the tears I've hold for hours. But I still managed to cry silently on my pillow to avoid trouble to my buddy.

And my weeping continue silently till I fell asleep.



RESULT: head ache and eye bags

T___T

ANOTHER SHATTER

Help.
:(
I badly need someone
My tears don't stop.
It just keep flowing on my messy face
My heart still in pain.
...


to be cont.

status: lost.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

ANTISOCIAL: B_E_W_A_R_E :)




?



Are you antisocial?

I've met a lot of people that confessed he/she is antisocial. It means they don't like to socialize around the group or lack of confidence to show his self to the society.



Some misunderstand that they are antisocial because they don't like to be part of social persons - people who's exposed to fashion and glam life. They
prefer to be simple and jam to mediocre friends who are so-true for them.

These are misconceptions indeed.

AccorDing to what I had surfed down here from mentalhealth.com: Antisocial Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by persistent disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood. Deceit and manipulation are central features of this disorder. → in short delinque
ncy.

Often they are more agressive and have unpleasant behavior towards other people and may cause harm to them. They don't even care or pay least concern. They're danger zone, keep out!
But they can be diagnose of course.
I just want to impart what I learned because sometimes those words that we encounter we think can be msileading and scatter that misconception ... because his word is also your another word
for your every day vocabulary.


credits to googleimages and mentalhealth.com

WHAT IS A FRIEND?

tomodachi : amigo : amiga: friend:

I won't bother looking around again in the wikipedia or any other sites that define what is a friend. I will define it my own according to what I see and experience being in friendship. Sometimes, looking for another meaning on the net or on the shelves will bend you out of shape if those ideal sweet meanings are not meet with your current friends. You expect more than what is reality a friend can only do for you or what that person you treat as friend is contrary to your anticipation.

♥ A friend is someone who will believe in you when the world says it's hopeless and even your family. The only one left still congratulating you how many times you quit for the job and reapply.
♥ TRUST. that's the first ingredient for a friendship to blend well. Enough is better.

Don't expect too much and depend on your friend, if she's a real friend she knows you need her in your better or in your worst times.

Some say, if you've been bully by some pranks... • she will defend you or fight for you... if you're friend really make it on the battlefield, then lucky for you. Contrary to expectation, most friends remain rational, calm,or keep silent. They don't like to involve in such childish fights. Even it's good to picture out your friend can do that but actually that won't solve anything.

Some say , she's your crying shoulder • True. She is your handkerchief. You can sniff and sniff and cry all your heart out. But, not all the time. What if she's not in the mood, can you rely that tears of yours to her shoulder? Some friends too do not tolerate such weakness all the time. It's ok if it's oft. You should be more dependent to yourself, not to rely your weakness to her all the time.

Some say friend will always be by your side • Partly true. If you mean it that she's visible by your side oftentimes, then you might agree. What if she's a thousand miles away from you? Would you reckon the promises and sweet nothing words? My friend is over there. She's working abroad. And I'm here. We're certified friends! And I don't feel so alone. I made two simple music vids 'by your side - faber drive' ; 'tabi - paraluman ft. kean' just to remind her I'm still here. You might be confuse now... Thinking of her makes me feel she's just beside me. Afterall, we know our hearts beat as one. It's just how you think makes you feel it.

If everything turned down, who else you'll gonna depend on in this world? • Some say... friends esp. when family is the one that abandonned. Don't be hypocrite. You're making things more complicated and miserable if you rely to mild humans. Like what I previously stated , depend more to yourself. Your friend is also a human. Think of the worst possibilities that will gonna happen to your life ... then evaluate if that friend of yours can be count on. She may support you but not your ultimate shield. She can lend you her strength but be tougher too in that way she might defend you all the way.

Some friends promise to lend their hand when your down and outcast. WHO??? There is no other human who can lend their hand all the time. I bet.All of us have different things to do everyday, everytime. Think of your INVISIBLE YET VISIBLE FRIEND. Treat HIM as your friend. HE's just there all the time watching you. Sometimes, we never think of Him because what we need is the one who can appear right before our sight, who will embrace us because we're hurt.


FRIENDS COME AND GO. True. No matter what kind of a friend she is, still appreciate her value. Afterall, each of them leave us lessons and experience that certainly we can use in our next stopover of friendship not just that even in our daily life. If you observed, some bitter friendship learned you to become more pleasant person. .. or helped you grow.


:))






PERFECT GUY?




Where is the GUY I'm LOOKING for who will SATISFY my body, mind and soul?


What is perfect guy for me?
A girl or woman usually has her list of qualities for a perfect guy.

PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY:
1.Appealing
2. has erudite tastes
3. high browed
4. SLIM
5.organized
6. neat
7. clever
8. his sweetness are done in unpredictable way
9. can drive me crazy...
10. has self- control
11. even he's intelligent still it's better he knows how to give care to other people
12. CHRISTIAN (mind & soul)
and ETC - ETC means it's no use to write more attributes because I don't mean any real guy in this world.

If I ask my friends about their mate,they could tell a few but I realized that what good that guy for you might not necessarily look good to another girl. Then
perfect guy doesn't exist?
Looking for the perfect guy is undeniably what we girls desire to. . .
And lately, I was bothered a least, even the guys were around me yet I'm still looking better than him. I felt like I'm becoming perfectionist. I fantasized men who are already in my save memory.
And they can be seen on the screen.

I could only watch at them acting or singing .
They are the only men who makes me smile and get back my mood.
If I feel so stressed, I only think one of them who is so appealing and think his pure smile as my vitamins. Since those guys do not exist in my world,I thought to initiate and dare myself searching if there's such a guy who at least I could say I desire and do some effort. If only a guy appears even once in my life like tae kyung (in the koreanovela he's beautiful) or Channing Tatum, then I'll sign the contract of being a bachelorette forever!
Drama movies and teleseries really touch people feelings in many ways.
And I won't deny that I could wish I should've seen this movie with my date and
do sweet-nothings and toast our heads like kids and touch each other's nose.
Although we see couples on the TV or in movies who seem so in love and are perfectly match, they don't really exist in the real world.
Other human ,generally males, may think I'm so fairy-taled and think it's so absurd, Ahh, men are just envious because he's not the one I choose to.
To bad for him he's such a sore eye :)
Anyway, I 'm not in a hurry to look for a relationship, I'm still full of oxygen to live on my own.
De facto is, These full-of-charm guys are my vitamins both from stress and anxiety.
Rather than men who appear in my sight who give me so much headache.

Say, Even my cute Tae Kyung or any of my desired men will look like a chibi, a highbrow person, a stick cartoon I still like him. Ha ha!
That's the magical charm an actor/model possessed , no wonder :)
Appealing, erudite tastes, slim, organized and neat, clever, his sweetness are done in unpredictable way, can drive me crazy...
and ETC - means it's no use to write those attributes
because I don't mean any real guy in this world.

Some say it's very typical for us women, it's a give/take relationship. The man ought to give what woman wants and the other part, woman takes what she needs from her mate. It's not that we're living too much in fancy world. To think it is ridiculous for you might be. I think man couldn't blame us habitually looking or listing good attributes a guy must have, physically or emotionally. Especially, when a woman gone through bitter or displeasing past relationships
or see her guy is deficient or too lousy. And maybe she has gone through an ideal and she wants that relationship again and again, in short ADDICTING relationship. lewl.]
Hey, the subjects were obviously from the koreanovela 'He's beatiful' because they're delightful and sweet. But doesn't mean my writing about my perfect guy was rotated only by it.

credits to googleimages .


SADNESS IS CONTAGIOUS!

My life is tossed like a paper. My balance of thinking is slowly dwindling like I was a dipsomaniac! Even though I don't entertain unhappiness currently yet I felt like there's always an instant invitation of the dark when I'm awfully bent out of shape. Optimism disappeared like dead petals scattered on the air, no matter how I tried to repeat those positive words in my mind. I could see how beaten myself in the broken mirror. I keep feeding my fighting spirit that it won't lose even if I will discover later I was alone fighting for myself. That I will get lose in the end.Even some of my friends that I thought are FRIENDS will eat me all up down to the marrow of my bones. I shall not quit because of their pointless threats. That is not important for now. . . I must keep striving even the world look at me like a creep. A living corpse who's still striving to get her life back!
Afterall, No matter where I see, I couldn't deny I have thought this world is also a hell. There is no difference being in this world or in the underworld where they called the HELL! Because people commit sins in no limit. People betray their own kind. People hurt their love in their selfish ways. To question myself why I'm sad... can be really contagious. Therefore, I must prevent myself from wretchedness and things that makes my heart heavy. Sigh, it's easier said than done, huh? Being alone is another luck for it to inject inside my soul. And the toxins of sadness will create another scenery and that is why you can see it through my face :(