IDRAWMYOWNSCARS

I've been thinking lately about all the silly things I had done. The ol' films about those bad, worse, worst scenes were playing in my head. They just popped out even I didn't mind it purposively. Like in dreams. Sometimes I caught myself being in deep meditation and I got blank. I don't know by writing my current feelings and thinking here would give me least comfort and ease. I have nobody to share. I didn't have friends in near. I didn't know even to scream aloud. So when I grieve for someone or something, when my wrath has nothing to do to anybody, when I want to rampage, when I'm injured inside.. badly, I learned to whistle it all . Only the wind, my dear wind hears my pain and confessions to my dirty sins. Even I changed a little , or more than little, whatever... the dirty mem'ries never go...they just stay. That's all I'd realized. even I was sorry for those wrongs still they never disappear, they just haunting me whenever they want to pop out like some fictional guardian who likes to annoy me. Why ? I don't believe now that when you're sorry you'll be free from it after. But it does not. Since the day I knew the right and wrong and the morality, whenever silly doings I do, those were judge by the society and even by my own environment, family and friends. And those different judgment heard by my conscience and guilt appear before my evil soul. Even to humans that I caused pain and headaches, even they forget it, that's better , still I can't forget it... it kept haunting me like I should receive punishment till my body will turn to ashes. Or maybe even afterlife, this soul that'll left will be burned in hell. Well, I deserve it that., I had never denied my sins but I know I was sorry for them but I ... to be cont >.<